Supplying Entertainment || CrissColfer
xdarrencr1ss:
“No, Chris, please, you’re not…just listen to me, okay? It’s not like that at all. It’s probably the other way around. Just…please don’t think that, okay? Please. I—I don’t know what to say, what I should say, but I do know that this isn’t your fault. Chris, I just…I really need some time to sort out my feelings. Everything’s been so insane lately, so crazy, that I haven’t had the time to sit down and just think. So that’s all I’m asking for here, I guess. Time.” Darren gulps audibly, rubbing his hand over his face, trying to scrub away the hurt and confusion and shame. His voice softens, and he is vulnerable, exposed. “Please?”
Chris gets into the car, and Darren starts up the engine, pulling out of the parking lot and out into the driveway. He turns on the radio, switching stations until he finds one that fits his feelings at the moment.
When will I see you again
You left with no goodbye
Not a single a word was said
No final kiss to seal any sins
I had no idea in the state we were in
What was he supposed to do? He always sort of…knew that his sexuality wasn’t confined by any labels, but…it never really applied to anyone. He never felt a pull to anyone of the same sex before. Sure, he found guys attractive; but he also found girls hot, too. What the fuck, man?
I know I have a fickle heart
And a bitterness and a wandering eye and a heaviness in my head
But don’t you remember
Don’t you remember
The reason you left me before
Baby, please remember me once more
The air, once refreshing and relaxing, blowing through the windows keeps his alert, ever aware of his surroundings. Chris is next to him, looking out the window, dangerously silent. What was he thinking about? Do I even want to know? What am I even supposed to do at this point?
They drive for the next half hour or so, until Darren reaches Chris’ neighborhood, pulling up into Chris’ driveway. He removes the keys, the car coming to a stop. They sit there for a while, the silence now deafening because the music was off. He turns in his seat to face Chris, placing a careful hand lightly on his shoulder.
“Chris, hear me out. I—I don’t know what happened out there today, but what I do know is that…it didn’t feel wrong. I mean, it felt wrong in the sense that I totally fucked this all up, but…shit, I don’t even know right. I guess what I’m saying is that…just don’t—don’t assume that this was all you. I…I f-feel things, too. You’re…you—I…I’ll see you around, okay?” He starts up the car again, hesitating before leaning over and brushing a piece of hair out of Chris’ face, planting a soft kiss to the top of his head. “Bye, Chris. I’ll call you,” he whispers, smiling cautiously before waiting for Chris to get out of the car and into his house.
Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me.
Chris shook his head for a moment, his eyes falling from Darren’s. None of this was right, this wasn’t how they were supposed to be. They were friends - best friends above all, the stupid obnoxious crush that he had been denying was never supposed to interfere with any of that. But it was, it was practically screaming at him their entire night out. His feelings only grew stronger as they went on and now they were apparently too much to ignore. He tilted his head back up, his blue-green eyes shining in the moon light as he nodded his head once. “Of course.” He said in a shallow breath. “I can’t deny you of time.”
Once they were both seated in the other male’s car, his eyes remained glued to their surroundings, the city, anything but the older male next to him. He absentmindedly listened to the radio as Darren flipped through the stations, his heart immediately sinking when he stopped at an Adele song. The typical music he listened to when he was any form of upset to draw his emotions out, which was a bad thing. He didn’t want any more of his emotions to show, to cloud the common sense in his head. Not until he was home and alone.
What killed him the most was not having the slightest idea what was going through his friend’s head but he didn’t dare ask. He intended to give him all the space and time he needed, and hope that they would be able to make piece with their situation. He knew that Darren didn’t see labels as black and white, or even like their existence. But he also knew that he chose to label himself as straight anyways. Straight. Likes girls, not men. Not Chris. There was a little twinge of pain in him stomach at that realization, not like he hadn’t known it prior. But after what happened on the beach, it was a million times more deafening as well as the way he felt was.
The air, once refreshing and relaxing, blowing through the windows keeps his alert, ever aware of his surroundings. Chris is next to him, looking out the window, dangerously silent. What was he thinking about? Do I even want to know? What am I even supposed to do at this point?
They drive for the next half hour or so, until Darren reaches Chris’ neighborhood, pulling up into Chris’ driveway. He removes the keys, the car coming to a stop. They sit there for a while, the silence now deafening because the music was off. He turns in his seat to face Chris, placing a careful hand lightly on his shoulder.
It was only a matter of time before they pulled up to Chris’s house and he saw Darren shift in his seat, feeling a strong hand placed firmly on his shoulder. The younger male turned his head to look at his counterpart, listening carefully to everything he said. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, I understand.” He said softly, nodding his head once the other said they would see each other around. His eyes watched carefully as Darren’s hand moved up to brush a piece of stray hair from his face, he swallowed hard, his stomach tightening at the simple gesture.
His sparkling eyes fluttered closed as the other male kissed his forehead, feeling his heart swell in his chest with ache and something he was still ashamed of. They reopened and unshed tears clung to his lashes, cursing himself internally for such a vulnerable display of his emotions. “Bye, Dare.” He whispered barely audible, slipping out of the car. The actor leaned down before closing the door. “Don’t try and spare my feelings, okay? Whenever you figure this out, whatever there is to figure out. I’ll understand.” Chris smiled weakly, standing up and closing the door.
As he walked up the path to his house, he took a deep breath, letting out a shaky breath. Chris could feel Darren’s eyes on his back as he entered his home, closing the door behind him before leaning against it. He ran his fingers through his hair and couldn’t remember a time where he felt more lost than in that moment.
(Source: chris-colferx)